What does it mean to be 41....

I have been thinking about that most of the day....Is something magical going to happen?

I remember when I turned 18, and thinking "Man, I am finely an adult, I didn't think I would ever be 18" I remember being excited, and thinking I was indestructable, and had something to prove to the world...You know the I am 18, and you can't tell me what to do attitude. I had a bad case of that attitude, just check with my Mother.

I remember thinking turning 21, would be the cats meow. Then I would truly be an adult. You know when I am 21, I can go to the bar. There really isn't anything that I can't do...because I can go to the bar....Let me share my 21st birthday with you...I was 4 months pregnant with Dalles, I didn't feel good, I went to the bar and got sick from the smell, I drank orange juice and 7-up and had my fill by 9:00 pm. I was home and in bed by the time the clock struck 10:00.

I remember when I turned 25....I was a Senior in College, and would soon graduate with a BS in Business Administration....Dalles and I were doing Okay, and I was truly going to be a grown up now...I would have a college degree, and there Ain't no one that would tell me what to do...Because I was a college graduate, I KNEW everything

I remember when I turned 30....I had everything I ever wanted, I was a grown up now...I had been peed on, puked on, hit, and bit. I had been to jail (once), divorced, and was the single mom of 2. I had two college degrees one in Business Administration, and one as an LPN. I had bought my first car, bought my first house (which I still own). I had offically worked half of my life (I got my first real job at 15), I met and secretly started dating the man of my dream...

I remember when I turned 35....I was married to the man of my dreams. I had a miscarriage that really rocked my mental stability. I was nearly done with my second Bachelors degree. I was tired of Uncle Sam thinking he deserved so much of my hard earned wages. I had a teenager that couldn't wait to be 18. I had a grade schooler, that was bored with school. I had a variety of jobs to add to my list of expereinces, and I had bought my second home (which I still own).

I remember when I turned 40....It is a good thing, I remember 40, it was just last year. I had just given birth (8 months prior) to my 3rd baby in 3 years. I had lost a child. I had 4 living and beautiful children (all at different spectrums of development). I had experienced financial highs and financial lows. I had been ripped off. Paid Uncle Sam for 25 years of work. I was a Registered Nurse (my old high school dream) came true at 38. I had a son that had graudated from high school, gone to boot camp...and was forever saying...I am an adult...I can do it myself...

I am now 41, and what does that mean....I am old, I don't know jack (ask my kids), I don't have any of the answers to lifes questions. I go to work and am thankful I love my job, I enjoy my time with my family, I pay uncle sam, I don't want to go to jail (again), it is easier to be married then be divorced. Absolutely nothing is ever black and white life is simply shades of grey. If being grown up means you have all the answers....I guess I will forever be a little kid. I can never find the answer, I only find more questions....

I also know that in 41 years I have truly been blessed....I know God, I have wonderful parents (the best), the perfect husband (he is a gift), children that mean more then life itself to me, a job I Love, enough money to live, and extended family and friends that care....I have everything that is perfect in life....Who needs answers...when all that is important has been freely given.